Soap is not a condiment
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
