Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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