Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
