I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
