This is not my ceiling
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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