I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
