You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
