What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
