yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
