i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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