some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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