it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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