I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
