Where did you get a picture of my penis
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
