if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
