I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can't turn off my feet"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
