i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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