I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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