eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
