If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
What a dumb baby whore.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
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