Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
