Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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