I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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