So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
