Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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