We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
