Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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