She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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