The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The Olympian is in my bed
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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