I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
