no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
