You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
