Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So much rum. So many feels.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
