i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
