fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
