my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
