mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
