Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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