I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
