dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
