She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
