were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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