Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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