just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
