I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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