Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
so much tequila, so little girl.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
