Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
