Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
