Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
