I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
