Swine flu. Run for my life!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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