i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
These tits shall not be calmed
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
